As this past weekend marked (Canadian) Thanksgiving, let’s talk about gratitude! And, specifically, I want to talk about practicing gratitude when things are really tough.

Let me shed some light on my current situation. So I live in a bright and lovely 500ft² (46.5 m²) cabin in the woods near the ocean. I seriously love the place, but for the past month, our neighbourhood, yard, and parts of our building have been infiltrated by…ugh…rats.

“Oh Rats” Original Rat Cartoon” by amyigri on Redbubble

Now I know some people have rats for pets, and that’s cool. What’s not cool is that this issue has left me physically, mentally, and emotionally drained plus I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks. (This is why one of the first practices in my next book on mindfulness is to get a good night’s sleep—it is a game-changer, folks!)

I’m sharing this to show you that my life is messy (and that’s okay). I talk a lot about creating the life you envision, and I think it’s important to also discuss what you can do when your current circumstances make your ideal reality feel lightyears away. Of course, it’s essential to identify and deal with the issue(s) making your life messy. And it’s essential to cultivate healthy patterns to help you cope with or prevent the peripheral suffering the mess might cause.

In the midst of the mess, practice gratitude. Here’s how I’ve been going about this:

01. Acknowledge the struggle
02. Acknowledge your strength
03. Unpack your emotions
04. Practice gratitude (and I mean practice)

#1. Acknowledge the struggle

“The issue is ____ . The toll it’s taken on me is ____.  That’s why I feel ____ right now.”

Laying it out simply is key (especially when mentally/emotionally drained) so you know you’re not going crazy. Chances are anyone facing this issue would have a similar response because of the psychological and/or physiological consequences of stress.

It’s also important to recognize the struggle for what it is (in my case, it’s temporary and non-life-threatening as well as a collective community issue). This helps me keep things in perspective and potentially reach out to others facing the same problem.

#2. Acknowledge your strength

Before I started my previous position as an outpatient social worker, I spoke with a counsellor about mindful, holistic measures I could take to keep a healthy mindset in a demanding environment. She reminded me that there is an “adjustment period” when you take on a new position and deal with new issues.

The same is true here. Acknowledge the objective struggle, give yourself grace, and recognize not only how demanding the issue has been but also which traits or strengths it’s required you to implement and refine. For me, it’s usually patience and compassion as well as coming back to a solid “couple’s approach”: you + me against the problem—not you versus me.

#3. Unpack your emotions

We, as humans, have an amazing(ly detrimental) capacity to catastrophize things based on how we feel. We can somewhat minimize this by acknowledging the struggle as an objective issue rather than a personal attack, but this doesn’t necessarily account for the copious amounts of energy (and stress hormones) circulating through the body when we become emotionally charged.

Stress hormones, like cortisol, can remain in the body for up to 6 hours after we perceive something as a threat (i.e., sympathetic nervous system activation or “fight or flight” mode). I will literally visualize a small tornado whirring around inside my chest to acknowledge the extra energy and try to find a way to dissolve it. Find what best helps you, but I find movement tends to work wonders for me. I’ll go for a run, lift weights, or challenge the punching bag at the gym to a duel. Other ideas include: writing (or scribbling) out your feelings, clenching and unclenching your fists, taking 5-10 deep breaths, or something resembling Andy Samberg’s rage-dancing scene in Hot Rod.

Do any venting, problem-solving, or rage-dancing before bed so you can put it—and you—to rest for the night (will you really fix things by ruminating about them at 4am?). Write down a plan for the next day and/or discuss any lingering issues between you and your partner/children/whomever to dissolve blocks of anger, hurt, or contempt—these end up hardening your heart and building walls of resentment between you and your loved ones.

#4. Practice gratitude

If I’m still upset by the time I go to bed and my partner suggests doing this (now nightly) practice, I literally cringe. That said, I always do it, and it always makes me feel better.

Before you go to sleep, say 3 things you’re grateful for (and, for each one, actually say, “I’m grateful for…”). Sometimes it takes a long time to think of one thing. That’s ok, take your time. Be uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Then do it again, and once more.

One night, John said he was thankful that this (rats) was his biggest problem in life right now. I thought that was wild as I’m pretty sure it had taken me 5 minutes to come up with being grateful for cuddling with my dog. Either way, it doesn’t have to be poetry. It’s just something to practice… even when it feels like things suck right now.

What do you do to practice gratitude? If you do this exercise, let me know some of the things you’re grateful for in the comments below! And, from my home/heart to yours, happy Thanksgiving, my friend.