I’ve decided to explore some major life changes, and there’s a significant reason as to why. Here’s a (brutally honest) look into my struggle with high expectations, the process I use for making game-changing decisions, and what I’m doing to reframe my focus.

Struggling with a major decision? Check out the 60-second exercise at the bottom of this post!

 

My life has been steered by “should” for too long, and it’s taken a serious toll. Here I am teaching others about self-care and how to move forward authentically, yet I’m wrestling with how to choose between what I want to do and what I feel I “should” do. 

It sucks to feel stuck, but I’m determined to do something about it.

 

What are my options?

 

Whenever I feel stuck, I try to take a mindful step back and evaluate my life. What’s making me feel stuck? Is it something I can control or change? And if so, what are my options?

If you hadn’t guessed by now, I’m quite pragmatic in my approach to… everything. Yes, I can spend hours mulling over why things are the way they are, but ultimately something inside me insists on asking one essential question: “What are you going to do about it?” Then I weigh the options.

Here’s what I’m currently exploring (i.e. struggling with):

Option 1: The Dream

Pursue self care coaching and dedicate my time to gaining clients, writing books, creating products, and growing (and monetizing) my website.

Option 2: The Safety Net

Continue working full time as a social worker and leaving The Dream as The Side Project (for… ever?).

Option 3: The “In-Between”

Of course, there’s always a third option while in the awkward limbo between 1 and 2. This would be something along the lines of working part-time within the realm of my safety net for a partial but guaranteed income while investing more (but not full) time into The Dream.

What would you do in this situation? Actually, it doesn’t matter (sorry) because these are my options and this is my choice. And someone else saying “I would do this” can quickly turn into “You should do this.” And I’ve really grown to despise “should.”

 

My decision-making process

 

A bit of history on my decision-making process: for the most part, I’ve stuck with option #2 and lived within my safety net (work-wise that is). For whatever reason—building credibility, growing my professional career, wanting to help people, saving money for travel, etc.—working in my field (social work) was the right choice for me at the time.

How can I know that I’d made the right decision? Because it was the choice I made. I live in the belief that the truth is what is—the here and now rather than the “what if”s and “but”s. It is what it is! Spending energy looking back and regretting my decision won’t change anything; it will only deteriorate my self-trust and hinder future decision-making. No thank you.

How do I know which is the right decision this time? The realist in me begs me to choose #3. The romantic optimist cheers for option #1. (At this point in time, no one is rooting for #2 as that option has been star of the show for far too long.)

For those of you in the midst of making a challenging decision, let me take the pressure off—for everyone (myself included):

 

Every option you have can be the right decision;

it just depends on what you want.

 

For me, #2 was always the right option in the past because, at the time I chose it, I wanted to gain skills and tools to better help people, and I needed a steady income to save for 5 months of travel. Now that I want other results, I will choose another option. This doesn’t make #2 a “bad” option. In fact, I might even choose it again down the line if and when I want something else it can offer me. But based on what I want, I know that it is not the best option for me right now. And right now is all I have.

Now I need to weigh my options. I generally do this using the handy-dandy pros and cons list. (I find it beats endlessly swirling the options around in my head.)

Here’s what I conjured up in a 60-second exercise*:

Option 1: The Dream

Pros: IT’S THE DREAM! I will pour my heart into this, be happy, and create something.
Cons: No steady income. Is it sustainable?

Option 2: Safety Net

Pros: Steady money. Resumé is ready to go. Lots of jobs!
Cons: Personal dissatisfaction. History of burnout (turns me into a big ol’ meanie).

Option 3: In-Between

Pros: Money + passion. Temporary while growing The Dream.
Cons: Will I still feel drained? Is it just another safety net?

* You’ll learn the steps of the 60-second list at the end of this post.

 

What do I do now?

 

A pros and cons list can provide a ton of clarity into how to approach tough decisions. But like I said before, your “right” decision is the one that leads you toward what you want.

In this case, a wants-based process of elimination leaves me with options #1 (pursue The Dream full-time) and #3 (work traditionally part-time and invest more time and energy into The Dream). At this point, I’m open to either. As I’m in the process of relocating back to Victoria, I’ve recently left my full-time Safety Net (i.e. current job). Most likely, I will pursue option #1 for the time being and reassess once settled into our new location.

Taking things one step at a time drastically reduces the pressure I place on myself and shifts my focus from “What’s the right choice?” to “What’s the right choice for me right now?”
Making authentic choices

Each year, I set specific intentions that provide me a clear(er) direction when making decisions. Initially, I started the year with these 3 words as my focus:

Ask

Accountability

Attain

I feel readier than ever to dive into what I want and who I want to become. That’s why I’ve chosen to replace accountability/attain with alignment and authenticity this year—to focus on staying accountable to myself first.

Ask

Alignment

Authenticity

For the sake of authentic accountability (to myself and now to you), I’m declaring what I want for this year:

01. I want to shift from full-time social work to self care coaching.

02. I want to practice yoga and meditation every morning and to continue my one-sentence-a-day gratitude journal.

03. I want to invest more time and energy into relationships that empower me and allow me to be my joke-making, shoot-for-the-moon, hippie-esque self.

04. I want to stop downplaying what I want or do when others ask about it. I want to feel comfortable sharing the excitement I feel when I write or teach others about self care.

Now that it’s all out on the table, I really want to stick to it!

 

Act on this:

 

Here’s the 60-second list exercise I discussed in this post (try it out!):

01. Write down the problem or question you’re struggling with.

02. Create a table that includes each of your options. Leave lots of space below or around each one!

03. Set a timer for one minute.

04. Go! You get one minute to write down the pros and cons for all options (not one minute each). Write whatever comes to mind without judgment or editing.

05. Weigh your options based on your 60-second brainstorm.

06. If you want to dive deeper, spend an additional 60 seconds on option 1. Then move onto option 2 for 60 seconds, then 3, etc.

 

Be honest: What tough decisions are you currently facing? What are your options?

Make a list: Create a 60-second list (below) to weigh the pros and cons of each option.

Prioritize: Set 3 words for the year to focus your priorities and decision-making process.

 

How do you determine what your “right” decision is? Share in the comments!